quarter-life renaissance

Hey, stranger. Been a minute.

I’m finally 25 and I fear the rumors are true…

The notorious ‘quarter-life crisis’ years are, in fact, a thing. And they pummeled me in waves, leaving me gasping for air and really, really salty. 

My early twenties were a tumultuous time as they were, but I’d experienced a blend of blind optimism and shamelessness that made everything seem a bit lighter. I felt more comfortable saying ‘fuck it’ without overthinking as much because, worst comes to worst, it would be ‘for the plot’. This left me falling on my ass at times, but it didn’t matter as long as I did it with flair. 

While I’d endured the throes of chaos and catastrophe I’d encountered in my early twenties, this particular era is a whole other conundrum. ‘Who am I?’, ‘Where am I?’, ‘What am I doing?’ all comprise the daily questions that swim around in my subconscious and surface into the realm of my conscious thoughts every now and again. Stakes seem higher now, and I feel like the clock just continues to tick on the timeline to get my shit together. 

Of course, some moments are better than others – moments when I know that, despite the  confusion and inevitable self-doubt that is seemingly prescribed with the whole ‘twenties package’, I am confident in myself and my ability to thrive through it all. 

This year, I’d experienced a slew of love, grief, angst, passion, emptiness, and abundance, leaving me absolutely raw and reeling. Year 25 was nothing short of a rollercoaster that I eventually realized I wanted to ride out. The rawest, realest moments were the ones that revealed true colors, true love, and true lessons. This is a journey that is going to catalyze the process of becoming who I was always meant to be – when I eventually figure out who she is…for now, she remains a mystery. 

The beauty of these years is the way they serve as a sort of ‘metamorphosis’ of the self. From end-to-end, the ‘quarter-life crisis’ encompasses an inevitable evolution of the self. This past year, in particular, hit me the hardest. New Year's Day found me horrendously hungover and at odds with myself. I looked in the mirror and felt like I didn’t recognize myself. The first half of this year felt like a perpetual low for me, primarily caused by my deprioritization of the most important relationship of all: the one I had with myself. 

Lately, though, I’ve been trying to put that relationship at the forefront of my focus. I put in the work to fully feel and eventually dissect everything I was feeling, eventually excavating new parts of myself and building a deeper bond with the woman I am growing to become. The spark I’d started off the year senselessly searching for and striving to get back was slowly reigniting within me, and I’d realized I had a choice to convert this apparent ‘quarter-life crisis’ I was experiencing into a ‘quarter-life renaissance’ instead. 

I went from feeling like life was wreaking havoc on my well-being and stability to feeling like I was writing the script for how my life was going to play out. My demanding job which often left me feeling defeated and drained became less daunting when I started to reframe my outlook, bringing unexpected opportunities into view. I started paving new paths for myself and leveraging any chance I had to take up space at the table while also building a whole other room in the house for a new table to be established. I joined the board of a women’s affinity group and started putting on events, some of which featured guest speakers who were prominent female leaders in the industry. The work we did opened up new doors for women in my company, which is heavily male-dominated. 

This pivot in my perspective was not limited to just my professional life, as I’d also learned how to regain control in my personal life. I started putting up more boundaries for myself and others. I reflected on the ways I spoke to myself, on the commitments I made to others vs. to myself and comparing follow-through rates for each, and on opportunities I’d had to show up or stand up for myself. I had honest conversations with myself about what was bringing me joy and fulfillment vs. what wasn’t. I began focusing on defining the kind of woman I wanted to become and building a plan to start showing up as her until, one day, I would be her. 

Year 25 is not over yet, but, so far, I feel like a massive transformation has been underway. If I got to speak with the woman I started the year as, I would comfort her and tell her to trust the process. A renaissance cloaked as a crisis is upon us, and I’m throwing myself into it all with excitement. Who knows where I’ll end up after the storm is over, but I have a feeling I’m going to love the woman on the other side.